drowning in my sleep

I don't want to look like this anymore.

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

waking slowly on drugs and sorrow

Mmm bad webcam pic of collarbones. Yeah.

Well I'm tired.
Of basically everything.
I'm literally back exactly where I was one year ago; In debt, not much wiser, depressed and completely alone. Again.

Have an entire week of exams and then I'm done. Of school. Of everything that is 'normal' in my life. Then I don't really know; I have nothing to hold me back or keep me going. Things might turn pretty interesting by then, but if you wanna stick around to see the show you'll have to follow my new blog which will be up and running by the end of the month. I shall clear this one and use for design purposes only (as intended, gosh).

Stay tuned or, hey, don't.

and you're my obsession

never enough.

Sooo... Ladies and Gentlemen... *drumroll*

I have reached my goal weight of 50 kg. (Yesterday it was less, tomorrow it might be over that, but yeah)

Thy big question then - Did it make me happy?
Of course it didn't. I still feel big & wide in all senses possible.

Will I ever be 100% happy with my body? Eesh. Probably not. But fuck it. At least I accomplished my New Years resolution (and just in the knack of time, so it seems).

Now Christmas is around the corner and I'll probably get fat all over again. But hey - circle of life.

Merry fucking Christmas to you!

bouncing back

I'm slowly turning back into my old self again. 

Yesterday I weighed in at 51 kg (or 52 after dinner, lawl) which is back at my 'normal' weight again. Finally. 

I also got rid of my candy-munching, I stopped drinking almost completely and I started working out. Yesterday I also went to the gym (!) with T. I'm very, very proud of myself.

One of the main things I'm happy about is that I told myself that when I'm back on my normal weight I can dye my hair back to blonde, which I've missed heaps.

Now on my list is surviving Christmas and pass my exams.

young blood

Random pic from this morning. Stripes all the way, baby.

Well, all I can say is that things are certainly improving.

After weeks of chaos, colouring my hair (?!), eating too much, drinking too much (and otherwise spending my time staring at my ceiling, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life) 

- I'm finally back on track.

+ November is finally soon over

+ I'm finally getting a grip on my Mandarin studies

+ Had a great weekend away from everything and I got to spend it with the cutest boy in the world

+ My food intake is slowly getting better (however I'll make my diet more strict after Christmas/New Year's)

- It's getting colder & darker

- I still have no clue what to do after January

Well. One thing at a time I guess.

41

I'm going away for the weekend. 

there is a light that never goes out

How my hair really looks.
It's dark red/brown.
I'll show a better picture when I have the time and energy.

changing, always changing

241011

The world has turned much like this bad picture, into different shades of colorless grey.

It's so cold and dark here.

smack my bitch up

Weighed myself this morning, terrible idea.

I know the results ain't gonna show up yet, but I just wanted a check up on the situation. *shudders*

Anyway, ran some more this morning, but didn't work out on my hula hoop. I might have to do that later, but there's a new Family Guy episode out, as well as HIMYM... And of course, today is the premiere of all new Outsiders and Desperate Housewives.

Yeah, I watch too many tv-series.

boo, you whore

I'll tell you: Working nights, studying all day and being sick does not go together. Ugh. *snivels and coughs*

Whatever. Off to uni it is. I might have to call in sick tonight because I can't breathe through my nose. Plus I'm fairly sure I have a fever.

it ain't no scene in the V.I.P for me

Me & Little V.

Photo: D.

Photo: Little V

Pictures from last night. 

Now I'm hungover, but happy I guess. Going to have an alcohol-free week, focus
on work & school.

Even bad girls can be good sometimes.

move along

Photos: My sister, V.

Had a wonderful day with my other half, my baby sister, in town today.

Then we cooked dinner, watched a movie and made chocolate candies. Ily <3

I look really weird with skinny legs and the rest of me... Ugh. Oh God I want to be done with work so I can go back to my normal life, normal diet and normal sleeping habits.
Speaking of work, I called in sick tonight so I'm going to sleep a whole night, uninterrupted - To cure my sore throat. Tomorrow I'll be doing nothing except cuddling with T., drinking tea and eating medicine so I can work for the rest of the week.

Moneyz, here I come.

me, myself & I

So I've started blogging. Again.
This time around it'll be about what I create out of thin air (my designs, to be blunt), some inspirational stuff I find, nerdy things I like and of course a slice of my everyday life.

For those who don't know me:

Basic info:
The name is Anah, I'm 20 years old, 169 cm tall with blonde hair and blue/green eyes.

What I do: 
Waste my time on the Internet and with Photoshop & Illustrator (mostly), read books when I have time, play lots of stupid games, watch way too many TV-series and of course spend time with my friends.

What I don't do:
Eat carbs, clean my room (well, not too often) and waste my time with boring people.

Anyway, I guess stay tuned for more (perhaps more interesting) stuff to show up.