291211

When you're thin like air,
Then you're almost perfect.

You calm me when all the lights go out
Just one second, then I'm almost perfect
Come and calm me, surround myself with your breath

you and me will never die

fat

Jag hatar sångerna jag skrivit 

Jag hatar allt jag nånsin sagt 

Och jag hatar den jag blivit 

när jag trott att jag haft makt 

Jag hatar klyschorna jag spridit 

på sång och dans och sprit 

Man kanske borde ta sitt liv nu 

men jag trivs ju så bra i min svit 

Älskling, vi ska alla en gång dö 

Jag har alltid gillat svaghet 

Som sex & sprit & knark 

Det finns alltid som en utväg 

Och jag har aldrig varit stark 

I min skalle brann en motsats 

En skogsbrand i en park 

Där hundratusen apor 

Fyller tonårsblanka ark 

Med orden: Vi skall alla en gång dö 

Och jag ska skydda dom jag älskar 

Med hjärta, kropp och själ 

Jag ska skydda dom mot livet 

Som är hårt & fult & skört 

Jag ska ge dom allt som blir kvar 

När jag är färdig med det här 

Jag ska ge dom nått som hjälper 

Mot en ond och giftig värld 

Älskling vi ska alla en gång dö

Det jag vill ha kan inte köpas 

Inte stjälas, få till låns 

Det jag vill ha kan inte ägas 

Det är så mycket större än så 

Jag kastar pappersplan från höghus 

Mot en gnista gömd i snön 

Jag måste tro att det kan hända 

Jag måste drömma min egen dröm 

För du och jag ska aldrig dö 

Nej du och jag ska aldrig dö

and you're my obsession

never enough.

Sooo... Ladies and Gentlemen... *drumroll*

I have reached my goal weight of 50 kg. (Yesterday it was less, tomorrow it might be over that, but yeah)

Thy big question then - Did it make me happy?
Of course it didn't. I still feel big & wide in all senses possible.

Will I ever be 100% happy with my body? Eesh. Probably not. But fuck it. At least I accomplished my New Years resolution (and just in the knack of time, so it seems).

Now Christmas is around the corner and I'll probably get fat all over again. But hey - circle of life.

Merry fucking Christmas to you!

tangled

Since a certain someone *cough cough Michael* complained that I never show stuff that I've designed, here you go. A typography illustration, of sorts. Or something. 

bouncing back

I'm slowly turning back into my old self again. 

Yesterday I weighed in at 51 kg (or 52 after dinner, lawl) which is back at my 'normal' weight again. Finally. 

I also got rid of my candy-munching, I stopped drinking almost completely and I started working out. Yesterday I also went to the gym (!) with T. I'm very, very proud of myself.

One of the main things I'm happy about is that I told myself that when I'm back on my normal weight I can dye my hair back to blonde, which I've missed heaps.

Now on my list is surviving Christmas and pass my exams.

bring in the light cavalry

Funniest & most interesting show out there atm - Supersize vs Superskinny.

The show features the extreme eating habits of two people each week: one obese, one dangerously thin. For 5 days they check into "The Feeding Clinic" where they swap diets to learn from each others differences.

The show also takes up issues with anorexia, extreme diets and of course, people who are literally eating themselves to a slow but certain death.

Watch (most?) episodes on: http://www.youtube.com/user/ErmmTV

play it safe

Things I can't live without atm.

• Läkerol: 2-4 kcal/piece, and there's so many different flavors to try! My favorite so far is Salmiak, but I haven't tried much different ones - yet.
• Naturdiet meal bar: 200-220 kcal/bar. Since I have class from 1-4 pm, I have bring lunch to school. Except that I'm lazy and I don't wanna buy stuff from the cafeteria every day, there's these meal bars that are surprisingly really good and quite filling. Dark Chocolate is the best one I've tried yet.
• Sugarfree Powerking: 10 kcal/can. I wonder what I would do without caffeine...
• PoWorkout: An app I bought a while ago, which contains different, short workout sessions you can basically do anywhere. I was surprised to say I was sore the first few days of training, which proves that it works, and each workout only takes a couple of minutes :)

(Note: I don't have the time or energy to go to the gym. Or willing to spend money on a gym card. Plus, every time I've been to a gym I feel like there's too much people, all looking at you, judging you. I kind of feel like a hamster in a huge cage where everyone runs on those big wheels, whilst trying to sneak a peak at the others to see how they are doing. No. *shudders*)

Oh well, now the sun is out and I'm going to the library to study. Ttyl bitches.

supersize vs superskinny. (this is for me)

pic: http://0h-thinspo.tumblr.com/page/3

So. I've been thinking. *dun duuun*

Lol. But no, seriously.

Here's the deal: 

When a girl in the public eye (ex. Adele) and says; "hey! I'm curvy and I love it!", people praise her and say "wow, what an inspiration! Everybody should be like her!" 

and bla blah etc.

But if someone says "you know, I think (for example) Kate Moss is really beautiful. I love her skinny figure. I'd love to be like her", most people would say: "that's wrong, you should love your body no matter what you look like or if you have a bit curves here and there"

This pisses me off to no end.

Why shouldn't someone be able to strive to be model skinny? If this makes them happy, why not? It's their dream, not yours and it's not your place to tell them how 

they should look.

It shouldn't matter, whether you're thin, normal weight or curvy and which one 

you wanna be. 

If someone says "hey! I'm a size zero and I love it!" people go batshit and say stuff like "ooohh noooo, that's unhealthy, you shouldn't be proud of that". Well, it's their fucking body. If they're happy with being a size zero or a size 16, it shouldn't fucking matter, as long as they're content with who they are.

People have different opinions & preferences. 

Some people like chocolate-flavored icecream. Some, vanilla. Some like strawberries.

Some like blondes. Some brunettes. Some redheads. Or darker hair.

It's the same with beauty ideal. 

Some people like how (for example!) Adele looks, some like how Beyoncé looks (bootylicious, baby <3), and some people think that almost-anorexic people are the perfect ideal.

Then how come it's so fucking taboo with saying "I like really skinny girls"?

I'm not saying that curvy/fat girls are ugly, not at all, and I never said that anorexia is a good thing (because it's not and I think it's horrible), all I am trying to say is that we all have different ideals of 'the perfect body', and none of these ideas should be wrong or considered weird. We're all human. We're all a bit weird. End of story. 

Yes, I am tipsy and it's 2:30 in the morning.

Good-fucking-night.

equations

Cheeseburger: 310 kcal

Big Mac: 490 kcal

QP Cheese: 549 kcal

Mc Chicken: 431 kcal

Large Fries: 450 kcal

Sundae: 284 kcal

Thank you Google. Now I'll probably never go to Mc Donald's again.

Oh well. I'm bored.

young blood

Random pic from this morning. Stripes all the way, baby.

Well, all I can say is that things are certainly improving.

After weeks of chaos, colouring my hair (?!), eating too much, drinking too much (and otherwise spending my time staring at my ceiling, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life) 

- I'm finally back on track.

+ November is finally soon over

+ I'm finally getting a grip on my Mandarin studies

+ Had a great weekend away from everything and I got to spend it with the cutest boy in the world

+ My food intake is slowly getting better (however I'll make my diet more strict after Christmas/New Year's)

- It's getting colder & darker

- I still have no clue what to do after January

Well. One thing at a time I guess.

41

I'm going away for the weekend. 

all i ever wanted

Went into the local food store.


Bought what my dad asked me to (eggs, milk etc). Stood by the candy department, thinking I should buy me some chocolate or a similar treat for tonight.
Stood there, minutes ticking away, couldn't decide. Finally picked up a tiny chocolate bar, the size of my palm. Read the label: 120 kcal.


"Fine, I can live with that."
Walked up to the cashier, panicked. 120 kcal for what? 1 minute of chocolate bliss?
Put the chocolate bar back & paid for the rest before I could change my mind &
grab it again.


Anyone been in the same situation?

it's kind of a funny story...

fuck life. fuck for life?

Dear pandas;

Your species is almost extinct because you simply sit around and eat bamboo all day (or secretly learn Kung Fu, whatever) when you should be fucking everything that moves. Your bad.

Also, terrified of weighing myself. Terrified of eating.

But now, cleaning up my room, working out, studying.

Bye pandas.

it's only about discipline

pictures: http://kayascodelario.net/photos/thumbnails.php?album=1

A little lunch thinspo. Kaya Scodelario, also known as "Effy" from Skins.

Yesterday's food intake:

• Breakfast: Omelette made with 2 eggs, tomato, ham, etc. No cheese.
• Lunch: 1 orange
• Dinner: 1 bowl of wok (only vegetables)

Today's food intake:

• Breakfast: Basic salad with corn & mackarel (yes, that's a fish)
• Lunch: Fruit salad (1 orange, ½ apple, 1 banana)
• Dinner: ?

So, food has been going ok these past 2 days. If only all days were as good as these.

Anyway, I guess I should study... Or do something. But I'm crap tired after not sleeping well last night. (moar coffee?)

So I might just watch (or finish reading) Game of Thrones, and then I'm off to watch the new Tintin movie tonight (: 

i was happier then with no mind-set

Best movie.

Best soundtrack.

Link:

Various Artists – Garden State - Music From The Motion Picture

開門見山

很好的音乐 ！

there is a light that never goes out

How my hair really looks.
It's dark red/brown.
I'll show a better picture when I have the time and energy.

this thing about sizes

Funny thing happened today...
I went out shopping because I needed a little pick-me-up, and of course went home with like, 5 shopping bags. Oops. However I bought the most gorgeous shoes... 

Anyway, I showed my mom the new jeans I bought, and she looked at the tag and said:

"Size 27?!" (We have weird jeans sizes here?)
And I was about to open my mouth and say something like "yeah I know, I've feel like I've put on some weight, a size 26 or 25 would be much better", but she interrupts me and continues:

"I bought the same size for you when you were 14!"
So, appearenly I have the waistline of a 14-year old.
Best news all week.

changing, always changing

breathe

Mood: Tired.
Activity: Listening to music & drinking herbal tea.
Today's calorie intake: 900-1000 kcal. Way too much. I could, I will, do better.

241011

The world has turned much like this bad picture, into different shades of colorless grey.

It's so cold and dark here.

keeping calm

"Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before? Try and keep that feeling, because... If it goes... You'll never get it back."

oh baby it's a wild world

Re-watched the very first episode of 'Skins' today and realized how much I miss this show. Especially Cassie - Tiny, energic, weird and anorextic. I fell in love with her the instant she appeared.

Well, anyway, I guess it's off to bed soon. I have to wake up early tomorrow to go running, since I skipped that yesterday (too tired) and today (wasn't home). Eugh. I wish I was more motivated to work out. At least food is going alright, some days.

sugar, fuck off

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/Lakerol1.jpg 

Don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I believe I have a slight case of sugar addiction.

I'm so weak for sugary things, like candy (especially chocolate) and baked goods that are terrible in kcal and carbs.

My solution (and a great tip): Läkerol. They're delicious, sweet and best of all: Sugarfree & only 2 kcal/piece! 

So screw that damn Snickers or Twix and buy a packet of Läkerol instead. Believe me, you'll be doing yourself a favour.

200 km/h in the wrong direction

pro ana party slama 

(Do. Not. Get it? 

Seriously, who sells these t-shirts? I just had to buy it. Had to.)

Oh, and I'm alive. Barely.
But I'm alive.

reset, rewind.

smack my bitch up

Weighed myself this morning, terrible idea.

I know the results ain't gonna show up yet, but I just wanted a check up on the situation. *shudders*

Anyway, ran some more this morning, but didn't work out on my hula hoop. I might have to do that later, but there's a new Family Guy episode out, as well as HIMYM... And of course, today is the premiere of all new Outsiders and Desperate Housewives.

Yeah, I watch too many tv-series.

i'm a wolf in sheep's skin

pic: we heart it

(Picture makes me wanna kill the skinny bitch and steal her shoes. And bag. Just sayin'.)

So far, so good. Did some running in the morning, but not far at all. I didn't really any route planned, so I thought it was much more far than it really was. So when I got home I did some quick studying before school and then I worked out with my 1.5 kg hula hoop for 20 min (burned some extra calories!).

Tomorrow I'll do the same route but maybe add some distance by taking a detour or something. 

Anyway, it's a start. Like my teacher always says, you've gotta crawl before you can walk.

Now I'm home from school and I was planning on studying but got stuck behind the computer. Going to get started soon. Anyway, food intake for today is;

• Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee, 1 dl oates porridge & 1/2 apple. Plus a glass with one of those fizzy mixes that only contains extra vitamins & iron.
• Lunch: Approx. 50 g mixed nuts and 1 big cup (my Starbucks tumbler) with coffee.
• Dinner: ? (I don't know yet, still deciding).

Yeah, my lunch sucks, however it's hard for me to eat a proper lunch because it collides with my uni lectures (which is from 1pm - 4pm, Monday-Thursday) so I try to squeeze in a snack and some caffeine.

Now I need to fix dinner somehow and get started on my Mandarin. 再见!

architects

Pic: we heart it

So, this whole week has been pretty slow, and bad. I haven't been following my diet. I've had lots of candy. And I've just been generally lazy overall.

Last night basically everyone I knew was out having fun, while I was home alone with stomach pains and a bowl of ice-cream.

Then I woke up this morning and thought 'Okay, I have two options':

1. Continue the way I've been living, and end up fat and alone with my 27 cats. (Okay, maybe not that drastic, but you get the picture) OR;
2. Kick myself in the butt and do something to change my life

Said and done, I went and bought proper - and expensive - running shoes, downloaded 2 new apps; One for keeping track on my running, and one for counting calories.

Going to try to live on a maximum intake of 1,200 calories per day and also doing some running every morning before school. (Counting calories for my dinners will be though since generally I don't make them, but I'll try my best).

Anyway, now I feel so much better about myself already. Gonna make my evening tea and then head straight to bed. Tomorrow is a new day, a new start. 

Wish me luck, bitches.

i've never met someone like you

one day i'll fly away

Hate myself for liking this. Hate myself for being stuck on this weight for months. Hate myself for eating the tiniest things.

28:06:42:12

Wake up, Donnie.

bootycalls & fuckbuddies

I should actually be studying or working right now but my brain feels fried from last night so instead I'm watching my favourite show, Supersize vs Superskinny. And later on I'm going to the movies with T, we're watching 'Friends With Benefits'.

I don't have high hopes for this, since it seems to be exactly the same story as 'No Strings Attached', which I really enjoyed, but it was released only months ago.

Ah well. I've finally finished working, too. Feels great to not have to go to bed at 8 PM every night. Yay!

beijing dreams

All pictures are from: http://images.ebeijing.gov.cn/

Lately I've been thinking 'fuck it, if I'm going to study Chinese I might as well go to China, just to gain something out of this course'.

Then why the hell not? I should. I totally should.

but i'm the one who's drowning now

via: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TooEjrCnUWw 

i'm anah skywalker. savvy?

Celebrated my final lesson for the week with picking up some sushi after school. 

Best. Dinner. All. Week.

Also, 2 nights of sleep & I'm already better.
Working tonight though, but I know I can make it. 

I work hard & play harder. I beat sickness & flu with a whiff of my hand. I break hearts but mend them again with a quick smile and a twinkle from my blue/green eyes.

My name is Anah-fucking-Skywalker, and I always win.

... i stop being sick and be awesome instead

Original picture: http://kitchensimplicity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Cranberry-Juice-91.jpg

I did call in sick yesterday. And today. 

It helped my fever & cold to sleep during the night, however when I woke up this morning I discovered that it hurt when I went to the bathroom to pee. Oh yay. This again?

So I called work, when I was at school, and talked to a grumpy lady who pointed out that "I shouldn't be there if I was sick" - Well, I'm sorry, but I can't miss any of my classes or I'll fall behind even more. *mumble mumble well suck it bitch*

Then I swung by the supermarket and bought cranberry juice. 1 liter. Drank it all when I came home.

Hard to say if it really works against sickness/urinal infections & such, but it worked last time I tried (like 10 months ago), sooo... 

Pray that all those empty calories weren't all in vain and that I get better soon, mkay?

boo, you whore

I'll tell you: Working nights, studying all day and being sick does not go together. Ugh. *snivels and coughs*

Whatever. Off to uni it is. I might have to call in sick tonight because I can't breathe through my nose. Plus I'm fairly sure I have a fever.

say ni hao, and farm some gold

I'm sorry for some bad updates, but I will be off the grid for the next two weeks as well. 

Not only am I working nights 6 times/week, but also uni has started and I'm studying, as you can see, mandarin chinese. What the hell was I thinking?

Anyway, just two weeks left of work. Two weeks, 12 times, I can handle this. I can.

看到您的到来！

gotta catch 'em all

Original picture: http://media.paperblog.fr/i/300/3004598/franchise-pokemon-L-3.jpeg

Guess who just got Pokémon Trading Card Game working on their computer?

Ahhh, hell yeah.

it ain't no scene in the V.I.P for me

Me & Little V.

Photo: D.

Photo: Little V

Pictures from last night. 

Now I'm hungover, but happy I guess. Going to have an alcohol-free week, focus
on work & school.

Even bad girls can be good sometimes.

getting $leazy

There's a lot of reasons why I freakin' love Ke$ha, but here's the main points of why I know that she's awesome:

• She's actually really talented. She writes all of her music herself and sings live (with no autotune, mind you haters). Plus, guess who wrote Britney Spears' hit single 'Till the
  World Ends'? Yeah, that's right.
• She adores her fans (also called 'Animals'). So much that she wears a necklace made of human teeth, that fans sent her after an odd request on Twitter. Plus she tweets to her fans, calls (!) them and updates her YouTube channel personally every now and then.
• When she preforms live, she dances with gay boys in tiny underwear, shoots glitter out of massive cannons on the crowd and during her song 'Cannibal' she 'eats' a human heart and cover herself in fake blood.
• Her lyrics are wicked funny. 'I don't care where you live at, just turn around boy, let me hit that! Don't be a little bitch with your chit-chat, just show me where your dick's at'
  (from 'Blah Blah Blah')
• This. Video. 'Nuff said. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhMfJ2RxqrQ

stop the clocks

via http://xkcd.com 

move along

Photos: My sister, V.

Had a wonderful day with my other half, my baby sister, in town today.

Then we cooked dinner, watched a movie and made chocolate candies. Ily <3

I look really weird with skinny legs and the rest of me... Ugh. Oh God I want to be done with work so I can go back to my normal life, normal diet and normal sleeping habits.
Speaking of work, I called in sick tonight so I'm going to sleep a whole night, uninterrupted - To cure my sore throat. Tomorrow I'll be doing nothing except cuddling with T., drinking tea and eating medicine so I can work for the rest of the week.

Moneyz, here I come.

oh well, whatever, nevermind

I've been watching lots and lots of Gossip Girl lately (due to lack of social life, thank you very much, work) and alas, I have fallen in love with Taylor Momsen, who plays Jenny (a.k.a 'Little J') in the show.

Not only is she stunningly beautiful - Aside from her acting, she's also a model,
singer and songwriter at the age of 18. (Plus she's gorgeously skinny)
Some people are just way too talented for their own good. *pout*

Anyhow, today I'm having another date with my pjyama shorts and bed. Going to work (which starts at 2 AM) with a sore throat was a terrible idea. Too bad I need the money for a new Mac computer.

So tonight I'm rehabilitating myself with a good book, a warm bath, a nice dinner and some candy while watching a good movie. (Candy? Bad, I know, but I did actually complete my daily exercise even though my throat is so sore I can feel it in my bloody ears. Bah!)

l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n.

Well, that week went by fast.
I've been terrible at updating, so here's some pics to show you what I've been up to...

• My sister turned 19, so we went and had Greek food, and I had chocolate truffel for dessert. It was delicious - and not too much on the plate so it was perfect. Even though I did feel a bit bad about it.
• Next is my new favourite (and easy) lunch: Omelette made in the microwave.
  (Just add 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of milk, some pepper, mix, microwave for 1 min, mix again, add another 1 min in the microwave. Done! Easy and fast.)
• Finally, this is me today. Tired, shabby and still in bed. Planning on lying there all day, not in the mood for my daily exercise to be honest. I feel really beaten up for some reason.

I do kind of feel bad for not following my diet plan and not working out, but in all honesty I don't care right now. I work 6 nights/week where I walk for 3½ hours and run up & down approx. 45 flights of stairs. I think I've got at least some of my needed exericse sorted.

Now, back to my book and then I need to plan dinner for tonight. (The big question in my life - What can I/can't I eat?)