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When you're thin like air,
Then you're almost perfect.

You calm me when all the lights go out
Just one second, then I'm almost perfect
Come and calm me, surround myself with your breath

you and me will never die

fat

Jag hatar sångerna jag skrivit 

Jag hatar allt jag nånsin sagt 

Och jag hatar den jag blivit 

när jag trott att jag haft makt 

Jag hatar klyschorna jag spridit 

på sång och dans och sprit 

Man kanske borde ta sitt liv nu 

men jag trivs ju så bra i min svit 

Älskling, vi ska alla en gång dö 

Jag har alltid gillat svaghet 

Som sex & sprit & knark 

Det finns alltid som en utväg 

Och jag har aldrig varit stark 

I min skalle brann en motsats 

En skogsbrand i en park 

Där hundratusen apor 

Fyller tonårsblanka ark 

Med orden: Vi skall alla en gång dö 

Och jag ska skydda dom jag älskar 

Med hjärta, kropp och själ 

Jag ska skydda dom mot livet 

Som är hårt & fult & skört 

Jag ska ge dom allt som blir kvar 

När jag är färdig med det här 

Jag ska ge dom nått som hjälper 

Mot en ond och giftig värld 

Älskling vi ska alla en gång dö

Det jag vill ha kan inte köpas 

Inte stjälas, få till låns 

Det jag vill ha kan inte ägas 

Det är så mycket större än så 

Jag kastar pappersplan från höghus 

Mot en gnista gömd i snön 

Jag måste tro att det kan hända 

Jag måste drömma min egen dröm 

För du och jag ska aldrig dö 

Nej du och jag ska aldrig dö

and you're my obsession

never enough.

Sooo... Ladies and Gentlemen... *drumroll*

I have reached my goal weight of 50 kg. (Yesterday it was less, tomorrow it might be over that, but yeah)

Thy big question then - Did it make me happy?
Of course it didn't. I still feel big & wide in all senses possible.

Will I ever be 100% happy with my body? Eesh. Probably not. But fuck it. At least I accomplished my New Years resolution (and just in the knack of time, so it seems).

Now Christmas is around the corner and I'll probably get fat all over again. But hey - circle of life.

Merry fucking Christmas to you!

tangled

Since a certain someone *cough cough Michael* complained that I never show stuff that I've designed, here you go. A typography illustration, of sorts. Or something. 

bouncing back

I'm slowly turning back into my old self again. 

Yesterday I weighed in at 51 kg (or 52 after dinner, lawl) which is back at my 'normal' weight again. Finally. 

I also got rid of my candy-munching, I stopped drinking almost completely and I started working out. Yesterday I also went to the gym (!) with T. I'm very, very proud of myself.

One of the main things I'm happy about is that I told myself that when I'm back on my normal weight I can dye my hair back to blonde, which I've missed heaps.

Now on my list is surviving Christmas and pass my exams.

bring in the light cavalry

Funniest & most interesting show out there atm - Supersize vs Superskinny.

The show features the extreme eating habits of two people each week: one obese, one dangerously thin. For 5 days they check into "The Feeding Clinic" where they swap diets to learn from each others differences.

The show also takes up issues with anorexia, extreme diets and of course, people who are literally eating themselves to a slow but certain death.

Watch (most?) episodes on: http://www.youtube.com/user/ErmmTV

play it safe

Things I can't live without atm.

• Läkerol: 2-4 kcal/piece, and there's so many different flavors to try! My favorite so far is Salmiak, but I haven't tried much different ones - yet.
• Naturdiet meal bar: 200-220 kcal/bar. Since I have class from 1-4 pm, I have bring lunch to school. Except that I'm lazy and I don't wanna buy stuff from the cafeteria every day, there's these meal bars that are surprisingly really good and quite filling. Dark Chocolate is the best one I've tried yet.
• Sugarfree Powerking: 10 kcal/can. I wonder what I would do without caffeine...
• PoWorkout: An app I bought a while ago, which contains different, short workout sessions you can basically do anywhere. I was surprised to say I was sore the first few days of training, which proves that it works, and each workout only takes a couple of minutes :)

(Note: I don't have the time or energy to go to the gym. Or willing to spend money on a gym card. Plus, every time I've been to a gym I feel like there's too much people, all looking at you, judging you. I kind of feel like a hamster in a huge cage where everyone runs on those big wheels, whilst trying to sneak a peak at the others to see how they are doing. No. *shudders*)

Oh well, now the sun is out and I'm going to the library to study. Ttyl bitches.

supersize vs superskinny. (this is for me)

pic: http://0h-thinspo.tumblr.com/page/3

So. I've been thinking. *dun duuun*

Lol. But no, seriously.

Here's the deal: 

When a girl in the public eye (ex. Adele) and says; "hey! I'm curvy and I love it!", people praise her and say "wow, what an inspiration! Everybody should be like her!" 

and bla blah etc.

But if someone says "you know, I think (for example) Kate Moss is really beautiful. I love her skinny figure. I'd love to be like her", most people would say: "that's wrong, you should love your body no matter what you look like or if you have a bit curves here and there"

This pisses me off to no end.

Why shouldn't someone be able to strive to be model skinny? If this makes them happy, why not? It's their dream, not yours and it's not your place to tell them how 

they should look.

It shouldn't matter, whether you're thin, normal weight or curvy and which one 

you wanna be. 

If someone says "hey! I'm a size zero and I love it!" people go batshit and say stuff like "ooohh noooo, that's unhealthy, you shouldn't be proud of that". Well, it's their fucking body. If they're happy with being a size zero or a size 16, it shouldn't fucking matter, as long as they're content with who they are.

People have different opinions & preferences. 

Some people like chocolate-flavored icecream. Some, vanilla. Some like strawberries.

Some like blondes. Some brunettes. Some redheads. Or darker hair.

It's the same with beauty ideal. 

Some people like how (for example!) Adele looks, some like how Beyoncé looks (bootylicious, baby <3), and some people think that almost-anorexic people are the perfect ideal.

Then how come it's so fucking taboo with saying "I like really skinny girls"?

I'm not saying that curvy/fat girls are ugly, not at all, and I never said that anorexia is a good thing (because it's not and I think it's horrible), all I am trying to say is that we all have different ideals of 'the perfect body', and none of these ideas should be wrong or considered weird. We're all human. We're all a bit weird. End of story. 

Yes, I am tipsy and it's 2:30 in the morning.

Good-fucking-night.

equations

Cheeseburger: 310 kcal

Big Mac: 490 kcal

QP Cheese: 549 kcal

Mc Chicken: 431 kcal

Large Fries: 450 kcal

Sundae: 284 kcal

Thank you Google. Now I'll probably never go to Mc Donald's again.

Oh well. I'm bored.